Gerry (2002)

Speeches often begin with thanks to people around you. This review will not start that way. It will start with something quite different: apologies.

Firstly, I apologise to all of my friends who have heard me incessantly bitch about this film. I have been unrelenting in my bitching about this film and I only saw it a couple of days ago. 

I also want to apologise to a very specific friend, my housemate Chris. He had to sit through this film with me. I am very sorry I brought this film to your attention and had you sit through it. This was very mean of me.

Lastly, I want to apologise not on my behalf but on behalf of the director of this film, Gus Van Sant and everyone involved in it. This apology is for David Coughlin and Raffi Kodikian. This film is based upon the torment and horrors they went through when lost in the desert of southern New Mexico and it in no way does it justice. Nor does it handle the fact that Coughlin was killed by his friend very well.

Now to get on with the review itself. You may notice my negative tone regarding this film. Well, this is because Gerry is possibly one of the worst films I have ever seen. It is boring and dull. So boring and dull that the only way I can accurately describe the film is “People walk for a bit through the desert and then one of them kills the other.” That’s it. The entire plot to the film. I don’t think I need to dwell on the plot much.

But the real horrors of this film come from the fact that it is shot in such an aggressively dull manner. There is usually nothing on screen for the majority of the film. Mostly the characters are shoved into the background somewhere so we can look at the exciting browns and slightly lighter browns of the desert. Furthermore, the shots of this film usually go on for around 5 minutes at a time. One exciting shot is that of the characters walking slowly through some salt flats for 7 minutes. That’s it. Nothing else.

Not only this but Casey Affleck and Matt Damon are terrible in this film. Their dialogue is dull and often has little to do with the plot. At the beginning they are going towards “the thing at the end of the trail” before they decide “Fuck the thing!” I don’t know what this thing is and nor do I care. We then have a long story from Affleck about how he owned Thebes once in a game. The amount you will hear “um” or “er” or a pause during this make sure you don’t care about what he is saying, nor do you want to hear him talk any more.

Oh, actually, the plot does have one complication. Let’s go back to the plot! The greatest complication in this film comes from when Affleck gets stuck on a rock. He could easily slide down it, but instead opts to waste our time whilst Damon moves some rocks out of the way so he can jump down. This lasts for about 4 or 5 minutes. It may have been longer but I think I slipped into a coma somewhere along the way as my brain decided to shut down from lack of input.

I don’t really have much else to say about this film. It’s dull, boring and makes you hate yourself and every single person around you for existing in a world where Gerry exists. Don’t watch it. Stay far away from it. It isn’t worth your time nor is it worth the $3.5 million dollars it took to make the film. In fact, it isn’t even worth this crappy little review. Why did I write it then...?

Final Verdict: 0/10

Gears of War 3

Reviewed Platform: Xbox 360

Other Platforms: None

Gears of War has been ridiculed as a series by some. Some have perceived it as a bland cover-based shooter (conveniently) strewn in chest high walls with a lack of story, bland characters and far too much testosterone – in fact, so much so that the characters look like their muscles are growing muscles and that even Arnold Schwarzenegger in Commando would be considered some spindly pussy in this universe. Well... screw you! I love these games. I have enjoyed the story which, though not amazingly in depth, is still enjoyable and the actual game mechanics allow for great gameplay (though any criticisms with the game being visually dark I’ll have to agree with).

Due to this I expect you aren’t going to be surprised that I thought Gears of War 3 was amazing. This game has an amazing story, great gameplay and some surprisingly bright, colourful and beautiful scenery.

The story of GoW3 is the final chapter in the series. 18 months after the sinking of Jacinto at the end of GoW2 everything seems even more apocalyptic than before. The COG has disbanded and has done its own thing to protect survivors. The game follows Delta Squad as they attempt to finally rid the world of the Lambent and Locust threat to the survivors.

All facets of this story work amazingly well. The story is surprisingly complex and in depth compared to the other GoW games and it allows us to have more of an understanding for the characters before everything went tits up. Not only this, we get to know more about the characters feelings for each other and the world is expanded upon more so. When something happens to the characters or the world around them you feel it. This is called “investment” and it’s hard to not be invested in the characters.

On top of this we have amazing gameplay. The shooting is as solid (if you’ve played any of the other games in the series you will know how the shooting handles) as usual but now we have even more weapons, some of which (like the Retro Lancer) seem to work in a narrative aspect, showing what the world has now become. All the weapons from before have been tweaked and tuned up so they now work even better than before, such as the Hammerburst, which now has an ironsight mode.

Alongside the campaign itself we also have two extra modes: Horde mode, continued from GoW2, and Beast mode. Horde mode works in a similar way to how it did before, but now you get to upgrade the defences around you to stand a better chance against the coming horde of Locusts. These include barbed wire, turrets and even a mech suit. When we go into Beast mode we have this exact same set up: COG soldiers trying to hold out against a Locust horde and building up defences to fend them off. But this has one small twist: you are the Locust horde. Ever wondered what it’s like to be a Ticker, a Boomer or even a Berserker? Well, here you go! And it’s all awesome. That’s the only way to describe it, except maybe “awesome” should be fully capitalised. Here we go. It’s AWESOME! That’s better.

There are a few problems with the game, for sure. Some of the Lambent aren’t entirely satisfying to fight against as when they die they just explode, not giving you the satisfaction of running up to them and removing their head with your boot. There’s also an enemy type, the Digger, who just makes using cover almost useless as he sends an explosive underneath it to get you and it’s rather annoying. That’s pretty much all I can think of, though.

I highly recommend this game to everyone. It is simply amazing. Throughout it you will be having fun gunning down Locust and here or there you’ll probably feel something. It’s a great way to finish off the games and well worth any money you pay for it.

Final Verdict: 10/10