Stacking

Reviewed Platform: XBLA

Other Platforms: PSN

Dear Lee Petty: you are a genius. When Tim Schafer split Double Fine into four teams during the development of Brütal Legend you came up with the idea for Stacking and here it is. When you saw your daughter playing with those matryoshka dolls and thought “these could be everything needed in an adventure game” you were spot on. Thank you.

As I have just said, Stacking is an adventure game, as well as a puzzle game, based around matryoshka dolls. These dolls have their own little world, set during an industrial revolution filled with steam trains, top hats and zeppelins. You are Charlie Blackmore, the smallest doll in the word, and all of your family have been taken from you by an evil industrialist, The Baron. Now you set forth to set free all of your family and bring down the tyrannical Baron.

Yes, that plot sounds extremely simple and sounds exactly the same as every plot that involved an evil baron, who probably has a twirly moustache, and industrialism. To be honest this is exactly how the plot is. But Double Fine’s trademark humour is placed all over this game, be it high brow subtlety or low brow fart jokes; it’s all over the place. You are guaranteed to laugh. It’s got humour for everyone.

But where the game really comes into its own is in design and gameplay. You solve puzzles by jumping inside, or stacking into, other dolls and controlling them. This brings up all sorts of questions revolving around what happens when you are inside them (Is this normal? Is the doll aware of what is happening to it?) but these questions don’t matter, it’s all whimsy and fun. In doing this you get to use their ability, which allows you to solve puzzles.

These puzzles are solved using a variety of dolls, either in combination with each other or just using one of them. But unlike most adventure games there are many different ways to solve a puzzle. The game encourages you to try different tactics and allows you to retry the puzzle until you have completed all solutions. This makes the game almost obsessive, as you want to complete it in all of the different ways, but it still remains extremely fun.

Everything about this game has a feeling of heart about it. It feels like the game was a labour of love, that the developers had fun making the game and designing every single aspect. The game looks wonderful, set in a world that seems like it is built from what was found in your child’s room and what could be found in a random cupboard somewhere. Every doll has a surprisingly large amount of detail to it, especially so when looking at the faces of dolls.

The cutscenes look fantastic and have fun animation with some funny moments.

But not all of this is fun and whimsy. Yes, it has that exterior, but when you look deeper into the game it is somewhat dark. There’s a constant undertone of not just child labour but child slavery. When we get to the final level things get even darker when all of the children are tricked to go onto a train, which has a sign that initially reads “FUNFERALL” has letters fall off to spell “FUN ERA L” which I honestly found a bit creepy. Then there’s some creepy as hell clown.

The game all comes to an amazing crescendo of puzzle solving and a final battle against The Baron: an epic game of Rock Paper Scissors. Seriously, that’s the endgame. But not any normal game of Rock Paper Scissors. No, you take control of one of three types of doll: one with a rock, one with paper and one with scissors. You use these to destroy the dolls The Baron is in. So, basically you are KILLING THE INNOCENT DOLLS THE BARON IS POSSESSING! What the hell, Double Fine?! But I guess we’re not meant to think of it to that level...

Nonetheless, this game is extremely fun, fairly challenging and a treat to look at. If you do decide to get this game I am certain you will enjoy it and see the love the developers put into creating this game. But I hope you can get past some of the ethical implications of Charlie’s actions. I could... just about... *shudder*

Final Verdict: 9/10

Singularity

Reviewed Platform: Xbox 360

Other Platforms: PS3, PC

In the past I have wondered “Why are there so many games out there that are playable but have such bad storylines?” When I say playable I don’t necessarily mean good gameplay, I just mean gameplay that is enjoyable. Wet was like this. I despise the game, but it was alright to play. Same goes for the 2008 iteration of Prince of Persia. But I can’t actually think of a game that had a good storyline but I hated every second I played it.

Well, that was until Singularity, which has one of the most interesting storylines I’ve played recently yet with gameplay that just pissed me off. See, the story involves time travel. I’m a sucker for time travel. I just find time travel extremely interesting. I love things like Chaos theory, which is exactly what this game deals with.

The main character, Renko, accidently alters time right at the beginning of the game by saving someone in 1955 who turns out to now rule the world in 2010. And it is ALL YOUR FAULT! You spend the rest of the game attempting to right your wrongs whilst everything around you attempts to kill you. If this was a film it would probably be pretty good, and I recommend watching any Let’s Plays that are around on the internet.

I say watch the Let’s Plays because then you wouldn’t have to play the game. At the heart of a game is the gameplay. It’s what sets apart video games from other forms of media: interactivity. But it all feels so lacklustre, so is no fun to play.

The shooting is possibly the least fun part of the game. For an FPS that is just inexcusable. When shooting the enemies it doesn’t feel like your shots are actually connecting. You can unload half a clip into a normal soldier and he will shrug it off. Don’t the developers realise that bullets don’t just tickle. They kill you.

It gets even more annoying when shooting the mutants. Rarely does it looks like the shots are actually having an effect on the enemy. They just keeping running at your to tear your to shreds when they get nearby. And boy do they tear you to shreds!

Forget the size of your life bar. It’s pretty much useless to think that all of those dashes next to each other show you having a lot of health. When any enemy hits you your health will go down fairly quickly. The only ways to get your health back are through stimpacks, which give you health straight away (but are very rare), or health packs, which are everywhere. I admire them for using health packs in an age when it’s all about the regenerative health. However, the animation for using a health pack takes up so much time and within that time you can still keep getting shot, meaning that using one just delays your death.

But nothing takes down your health more than the Phase Ticks. Fuck these things. Seriously. Fuck them. If Phase Ticks ever became real I would devote my entire life to hunting down every single one of the bastards and making them pay. What these things do is run right at you and explode, kind of like the Tickers from Gears of War 2. Unlike the Tickers, though, you have no time to react to them. They are tiny and hard to shoot. And when they come along there is a lot of them, and I mean a LOT! When you first see them you are guaranteed to die over and over until you realise how you are meant to beat them: run, hide, and try to blast them.

On top of all of this terrible gameplay we have something that just slightly bugs me: a lack of subtitles. Now, hear me out on this one. There are some audio issues in this game. There are a few game that have this issue and the issue is that if you turn to face away from the person talking you can barely hear what they are saying. Hell, you have audio logs everywhere which you need to stand right next to, facing the audio log, hoping some evil thing doesn’t come behind you to shank you up. They never do, but you still keep turning around just in case. Subtitles would solve this issue. Also, it’s equal rights: helping the hard of hearing (though I’ll admit I just want them because I like listening to music when gaming).

The TMPis pretty cool, but using it in combat is rare, unless it's against Phase Ticks!

All of this builds up to a surprisingly great finale, which the game really doesn’t deserve. In this section the gameplay doesn’t feel too bad because it is all fast paced, so you are concentrating more on living than the terrible controls. That is, at least, until the actual endings, which all seem pretty rushed, two being more of an epilogue than anything. One of these endings is somewhat fitting, it just didn’t seem like a great conclusion to this game.

So, like I said, go see a Let’s Play of the game. It will probably look good, but that’s because someone else is playing it. Yes, the game is very pretty and the story is very good, but when you sit down and play Singularity it just doesn’t feel fun at all.

Final Verdict: 3/10

Special (2006)

The superhero genre is always fascinating, but I find that one of the most interesting parts of this genre is that of the normal, everyday man becoming a superhero (without any powers) in a realistic world. The most famous iteration of this sub-genre is, of course, Kick-Ass, though films such as Super and Defendor also look at this type of superhero. However, before these came around we had Special.

Now, you probably haven’t heard of this film. I don’t think there are that many people who have. According to IMDB the film only grossed $6387 (about £4000). No one went to see this movie. I hadn’t actually seen it until this year due to having watched the films listed beforehand. The only reason why I now own the DVD for it is because it was in Poundland, which usually stocks DVDs for films of an extremely low quality.

Yet I think this film is great. It deserves to be more well known because it is on par with the other films in this sub-genre.

The film concerns Les (Michael Rapaport) who is a fairly ordinary man who signs up for a clinical trial for a new drug called ‘Special.’ Les begins to develop what he thinks are super powers, however he is actually developing an adverse psychological reaction to the drug. Of course, he decides to go and fight crime and that is exactly what he does.

People going into it expecting a dark comedy like Super will be surprised when they get something more along the lines of Defendor. The main character is unhinged and is dangerous to those around him due to his delusions and hallucinations. This creates a lot of complexity in the plot, where we root for Les but are also somewhat fearful of him, not sure what he is going to do next.

Not only this, but halfway through the film goes from darkly comic to just straight up dark, with a fairly upsetting yet triumphant ending. This will probably put many people off, but if you were okay with how dark some of the other films mentioned got at times then it shouldn’t be a problem.

But even if this is slightly off-putting then hopefully the plot itself will be enough. The ideas this film puts forward are simply amazing. It builds up a world of paranoia and deceit in a completely normal world. It shows that even in normal society there is something bigger than we normally see.

We also are shown that the only true super power anyone needs is the confidence and self-esteem to try and change the world and help people. You can be a normal person and still help. You don’t need any special training in anything to make a difference.

This all comes together to make a great cult film. Understated and unknown, it’s a film that deserves to have more popularity. On top of everything else it is wonderfully directed and the acting is great from everyone. I got this from a Poundland. If it’s still in stock I recommend getting it. You are paying far too little for it but at least you will have seen this great film!

Final Verdict: 8/10

Let The Right One In (2008)

Like most people I like vampires. There’s just something about the mythological creatures that is interesting. They are powerful on the outside but they are actually extremely weak. They suffer from bloodlust, seclusion, death by sunlight and countless other things explored in the extensive literature and filmography dedicated to them. There are always hits and misses.

Let The Right One In was one of these hits. It’s extremely popular and sits within IMDB’s Top 250 films.

Yet I have to say I don’t like it.

That’s not to say I hate this Swedish film, I just had issues with it. I’ll save myself a little here from the people who automatically want to kill me because of this by saying the film does have many positives.

For a start it is beautifully shot. Anyone who says it isn’t is a liar. They’d also be a liar if they were to say that the directing is bad, which it isn’t. The film also has a fairly decent plot going on and the vampires in the film are exactly what we like to see from vampire movies. They are the classic blood sucking vampires that die if they go into sunlight and can fly. Perfect.

Sadly, I did find that there were a lot of things that let it down. Though I do say that the plot is decent it is far too spread out. There’s a plot point, then a while of nothingness, then another plot point, then more nothingness. The film just lingers and keeps going without anything happening and when the film is 100 minutes long this just gets boring. This annoyed me as I wanted to get invested in the plot and I wanted to care, but the pacing made it so I couldn’t.

It’s difficult to talk too much about the plot itself as so little seems to happen. What I can gather is that there is a boy who is bullied and a vampire girl, Eli, who has just moved in next door to him. She teaches him to be courageous and they start going out. That’s pretty much it. There’s a subplot about people trying to find who has been killing people (it’s Eli) but it doesn’t really go anywhere.

Then we have the acting. It might be due to the fact this is a foreign film but the acting, in my eyes, was very bad. Not so much for the adults, who weren’t in the film so much, but the two main child actors. Not a single line seemed to be delivered well and the conversations they had made it seem as if they were acting, as opposed to just having an awkward conversation.

I really feel for what this film was going for, I do, but it just didn’t deliver what it set out to do. The people who seem to be the biggest fans of this film appear to be the people who read the book the film is based on. They know more about the events of the film because the book explains a lot more about it. But as someone who knew nothing about the story from before I felt a lot was not explained. A lot seems to be implied, but it is never really shown long enough for you to make sense of it in your head and the film relies too much on interpretation.

I wouldn’t say this film isn’t recommended. Enough people seem fond of it and 98% of critics seem to say it’s a good film so maybe you should check it out. But for me was extremely lacking in most of the things that makes a good film (such as plot), and so I refuse to say that I like Let The Right One In, despite it attaining visual excellence.

Final Verdict: 4/10

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

Holy crap! This film... this is exactly what I was hoping for when I started watching the A Nightmare on Elm Street films. If you haven’t seen these films and but have heard about them then Dream Warriors is probably the closest that comes to what you were expecting.

Dream Warriors takes place in a psychiatric hospital with seven troubled teenagers. All of them have seen Freddy Krueger in their dreams, which the doctors think is some kind of group psychosis. But these are the last of the Elm Street kids, whose parents killed Freddy Krueger all those years ago.

We see the return of Nancy from the first film, who is now a psychiatrist and new staff member at the hospital. It turns out that the real ending of the first film was pretty much everything that happened before the actual end of the film. Good, this gives a clear cut point from which to build this film from. Over the years she has had to deal with the nightmares and takes a new experimental drug to suppress them. She now works at this hospital in order to help these teenagers against Freddy.

There’s a lot that makes this film more interesting. For one we learn more about Freddy. We learn about his tragic past as the child of a woman raped by mental patients. We also get to see Freddy’s powers more consistently. He is able to alter the dream world completely to his liking. What we see is quite frightening as he completely changes rooms and the buildings on a whim. We also see that he is able to control people in their sleep, so when one might think the person is sleepwalking he’s actually being controlled by Freddy.

But most of all it’s the title that brings the most interest. The so-called ‘Dream Warriors’. Though this might be a bit of a powerful term, it’s what these kids are. They all get brought into the same group dream and have their own powers based upon their own fantasies. So the nerd gets to be a wizard master whilst the quiet guy has a strong and powerful voice.

It’s fucking awesome! This is what should have happened in previous films: the kids getting together in the same dream to try and fight off Freddy. Sure, the dream powers might seem a little ridiculous, but this is the dream world, so they can try and use it to their own advantage. The fact that the kids are actively fighting back just makes everything so much better and so much more entertaining.

Freddy is also great in this film. This time he pretty much sticks in the dream world, where he belongs and where he is most powerful. He is fun and scary at the same time, delivering some great lines and being truly terrifying through his manipulation of both the world around him and the kids.

All of this comes together rather nicely during an exciting climax. Freddy must be defeated in the dream world as well as the real world, where his bones need to be buried on hallowed ground to stop him from having any powers, and so be put to rest. Characters commit acts of badassery and some die in their attempts to defeat Freddy, but they overcome all odds and defeat him. Though there was most probably no other way to end the film it is still intense and you are never too sure if they will actually win.

This is definitely the first of these films that I have liked. It has all the elements of a good horror film. If the previous two films were more similar to this in tone and made more sense then I probably would have liked them. This just did it all correctly and had fun whilst doing it. It’s now a question of whether or not the rest of these films will keep this standard.

Final Verdict: 8/10

Mum & Dad (2008)

Mum & Dad. It’s hard to tell what this film is going to be simply from the title. I mean, it has no allusions to any genre whatsoever. Maybe a romantic comedy or something, talking about the love between mother and father. Something along those lines.

Of course, what you wouldn’t expect from that title is a disgusting British thriller that seems to do everything right!

We start the first 10 minutes of the film with Birdie and Lena, a Polish immigrant, who both work at an Airport. Through this time we get to know the two, Birdie being a chatterbox and Lena being somewhat shunned by her family, left on her own. It’s interesting to see the interactions between these two, who seem like they are going to be good friends as the film goes on. When Lena misses her bus because of Birdie you think nothing of it when Birdie offers to help her get home.

Then Lena gets to Birdie’s house and things get very, very different. She’s knocked out then, when she wakes up, is told that she is the new “daughter” in this family, made up of Birdie, Mum, Dad and the quiet Elbie. What follows is a film filled with claustrophobia, suspense and disgust.

The film’s creepiness doesn’t revolve around gore and guts, though there is enough of that in the film. No, unlike a lot of horror and thriller films in recent years this film is all about atmosphere. The entire film has a constant feeling of dread. The family are such oddballs and played so well that their actions are difficult to gauge, going from extremely kind one second then snapping to murderous the next.

The characters of Mum and Dad are played extremely well and make the film an absolute pleasure to watch. For some it might seem weird seeing Meggy from This Is England perform such disgusting acts, implying paedophilia and incest, but he nonetheless carries it off extremely well. He is honestly fearful and Mum is the same. She never shows as much anger as Dad, but because of this she is even creepier, torturing Lena as if it is the most natural thing in the world.

But this film isn’t just about the creepiness. There’s also a lot of dark humour in there. Stuff you know you shouldn’t be laughing at, but you laugh nonetheless. Out of the entire film it is most probably the Christmas scene that is the funniest. Just because they have a prisoner, ahem, I mean, new daughter, doesn’t mean they can’t celebrate Christmas with her. It’s a family occasion!

That scene is just so funny and so creepy at the same time, bringing together everything that is disgusting so far in the film and upping the stakes to bring it towards a climax which is both fitting and satisfying. Disgusting, creepy, violent and disturbing. Everything that we experienced in the film and more!

This film is not exactly light-hearted and nor is it for those who can’t watch films where things are so messed up, no, actually 'fucked up' is more accurate. Mum & Dad is a great piece of cinema that not many will be aware of, but because of that only the people who are interested in this type of film will watch Mum & Dad and they will be the ones to enjoy it the most!

Final Verdict: 8/10

The Zombie Diaries (2006)

I wouldn’t be surprised that anyone familiar with George A. Romero’s Diary of the Dead would think I am talking about that film, giving it an incorrect or alternate title. Maybe they would think this is a rip-off of that film. But both of those are incorrect.

The Zombie Diaries is a film that has no connection to George A. Romero and was released before Diary of the Dead (which I will hopefully be watching soon). Instead, it is an independent British film released in 2006 (DVD in 2007).

The film revolves around three groups of people, all conveniently having a hand-held camera in order to film the zombie invasion of the UK. Thankfully, the people behind the camera do explain why they have the cameras with them, even if it is basically “because we might come across something interesting.” All of these groups of people are made up of your ordinary British civilians trying to cope with living in a Britain full of zombies. We’ve all seen it done before.

But for some reason this film seems to do it well. Sure, the acting can get pretty poor at times and there being not so much of a story, but it’s interesting to see how people cope with the invasion. It is obviously taking a lot of influence from the Romero films, concentrating on the people more than the zombies. This is very refreshing and something I prefer compared to the extent films seem to concentrate on the zombies these days.

I also find that this coupled with the fact that we can tell there is a real person behind the camera really helps. A lot of the films in this sub-genre seem to forget there is someone holding the camera, making it so that they don’t do anything when they really should do. But in The Zombie Diaries we see the person putting the camera down and running over to help their friends.

Sadly, the use of a hand-held camera can get rather nauseous and I couldn’t quite understand what was going on because the camera was shaking too much. Though I didn’t like it I feel it did help me feel the confusion and horror the characters felt at the time.

Which is something else this film does well: horror. Some of the moments in this film felt like proper horror. I was getting tense when they slowly opened each door in an abandoned barn, waiting for the undead to appear in one of the rooms. As the undead slowly approached the heroes I was on the edge of my seat, hoping for them to get away. I truly cared for them, hoping they would escape.

I was surprised about how much I liked this film. It was only cost £8,100 to make and at times it shows. But the effects are solid, looking realistic (another testament to actual effects as opposed to CGI), the story is interesting, the characters are likeable and their actions are believable. More horror films need to have the feel of this film, where there is legitimate horror as opposed to jump scares, and more zombie movies need these slow zombies as opposed to the speedy zombies that we see nowadays, which oftentimes don’t make sense or aren’t scary at all.

I seriously recommend this film. It might not be to your tastes, and doesn’t appear to be overly popular, but hopefully you can appreciate it the same way I did.

Final Verdict: 7/10

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)

Possibly the clumsiest titled films of 2011, Rise of the Planet of the Apes has been touted as being one of the better movies of the year. It’s been constantly recommended to me and has been reviewed fairly well, better than some of my favourite films of the year. So I went into this slightly sceptical, not sure if it would be good from the trailers, but still expecting it to be better than I thought it would be.

It seems that the movie going public and the professional critics have let me down. This film is not, as someone told me, “one of the best films of the year” and in no way stands up to this year’s great films such as X-Men: First Class, Cowboys & Aliens, or Source Code.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes does not actually have a rise in it. The film instead features what can be more closely described as a rebellion or an escape, though that would be far too closely titled to Escape from the Planet of the Apes. The apes in this film are held captive in a sanctuary where Draco Malfoy abuses them to a comical extent, being a hammy and hilariously unlikeable as possible. Obviously, the apes are not pleased with this, so they escape.

The reason they are able to do this is that Caesar (Andy Serkis), who is sent there, is a super intelligent ape as he is the child of an ape who was given an experimental virus that increases a chimpanzee’s intelligence to a human level. Caesar is able to lead them and organise them so that they can escape.

Caesar is actually a very likeable character. You feel for him when he is sad, angry or happy. Sadly, it is quite hard to connect with him as he, and every other ape in this film, is CGI. Noticeable CGI, to be precise. None of the apes have any weight in this world, even if they were brought about through motion capture, so they don’t feel like they are really there or are really interacting with anyone or anything. This does nothing but bug the hell out of me, making me cringe when the CGI is extremely noticeable. However, the details of the apes are really good. Looking at a single eye or a hand is very lifelike, but doesn’t make up for how fake the apes look as a whole.

The film is also very well acted. James Franco does his very best, like in most of the films he is in. John Lithgow plays his character, who has Alzheimer’s, extremely well and Brian Cox does his best Rip Torn for the audience.

Sadly, some of these roles are let down by other actors, such as Malfoy, who is so transparently evil he’s laughable. His accent seems to go from British to American to Irish and he chews scenery like there’s no tomorrow. David Oyelowo also plays a transparently evil character, the head of a pharmaceutical company who wants nothing but to make money, screw the consequences of his actions and all that rubbish! Freida Pinto as Franco’s love interest seems pointless and her acting is very average.

But the major failing of this film is the story. The plot in and of itself should be good, but the way it is handled is horrendous. Few actions seem to have consequences, such as Franco’s character stealing some of the wonder-virus and a baby chimpanzee from his company. Instead of legal issues and being fired he continues his job for the next 8 years and is given the go ahead to continue his research on the virus. No repercussions whatsoever.

The beginning of this film feels rushed but the scenes at the sanctuary go one for far longer than necessary. Some of the changes Caesar makes throughout the years seem to be swept aside, the film not seeming to care for his development at all. The ending of the film seems extremely anti-climactic, with the apes reaching their destination then showing the end credits. Just 5 seconds into the end credits we still have more movie to go, as a few minutes of the film plays showing what will lead to the downfall of the human race.

The film even got unintentionally funny at times. What is supposed to be one of the most dramatic parts of the film is ruined due to the events leading up to it. The silence that followed after that moment was filled with laughter from the audience. Some of the actions of the apes when attacking San Francisco seemed stupid and other dramatic scenes seemed funny due to the length of the shot or merely the visuals on screen.

But the most confusing thing within this film was the apes. For some reason it is told to us that the apes are not intelligent, yet their actions seem far more intelligent than that of normal apes. Yet when they are made smarter they devolve into mob mentality. Furthermore, when some apes are freed from the zoo they act the same as these “smarter” apes, which is confusing. These apes pick up parts of fences and use them as spears, yet the events of the film prior to this do not seem to justify them doing this.

This film had potential, and it is sad that it turned out this way. The CGI was distracting, some of the acting was bad and the plot was contradictory and full of holes. However, you can pick up on the ideas that the film tried to convey and you do get invested in the plot. You care for (some of) the apes and (sometimes) root for them when they are escaping. Sadly, this does not save the film. However, the unintentional hilarity of some of the film does save face a little bit.

To be fair to this film it isn’t exactly bad but there is a lot wrong with it. No way would I call it a good film nor would a rank it as one of the best films of the year. Some do say this is a good film and I don’t disagree with them, I just personally found it to be just below average.

Final Verdict: 4/10

Video Nasties: Axe (1977)

a.k.a. Lisa, Lisa; California Axe Massacre

Year Re-Released: 2005 (uncut)

Axe supposedly takes place in a secluded and isolated farm, where a psychotic girl named Lisa cares for her paralysed grandfather. This isn’t quite true. The first half of the film basically follows three criminals doing some stuff. I’m really not sure what it is they are doing. At first they kill a couple of guys for some reason, and then they go to a convenience store and throw tomatoes at the clerk, then play a bit of William Tell with her.

When it gets to the 25 minute mark we finally arrive at the secluded house. But it’s only after some faffing around that the criminals meet Lisa. They decide to stay low here, and Lisa doesn’t put up much resistance.

It’s a while after this that stuff actually starts happening. After 40 minutes of nothingness we have attempted rape, which causes Lisa to murder the criminal. With a straight-edge razor. I thought this film was about an axe?

Well, it does turn out there is a murder committed with an axe. One. That’s it. What a jip!

But I’ve spent far too much time looking at the plot. In fact, I think I’ve spent more time looking at it than the film does because this film is boring as hell. It takes 40 minutes for something to happen and that isn’t exciting. There’s no tension and no excitement.

None of the characters are likeable. Lisa is just bland, two of the criminals are basic criminals and the other is pathetic and wimpy. There’s not a single moment spent on character development. We never get to know these characters or why they are doing the things they do. This is especially true for Lisa, whose psychosis is never explained. Maybe if the film spent more time on its characters rather than doing sod all we might have something to care about!

With all this said, though, the film is hilariously bad. The editing is terrible. At one point blood is meant to appear on a mirror, so they put a few frames of this in the middle of Lisa looking at the mirror. The way the camera shifts is so obvious it’s pitiful. In addition to this we have terrible acting from all present. Horrific scenes just come across as humorous.

I think maybe this film is a Video Nasty for one of two reasons, one more plausible than the other. I doubt it was due to the “rape” scenes, which are so badly shot that it doesn’t look like rape. No, I think it was more likely to be due to the title. Axe just sounds like it has an ungodly amount of violence. But it doesn’t.

Surprisingly for a film that is 68 minutes long it feels far too long. And when we consider that if we remove the start and end credits the film is more like 62 minutes long then that’s even more surprising. 62 minutes of rubbish.

Final Verdict: 0/10