Gerry (2002)

Speeches often begin with thanks to people around you. This review will not start that way. It will start with something quite different: apologies.

Firstly, I apologise to all of my friends who have heard me incessantly bitch about this film. I have been unrelenting in my bitching about this film and I only saw it a couple of days ago. 

I also want to apologise to a very specific friend, my housemate Chris. He had to sit through this film with me. I am very sorry I brought this film to your attention and had you sit through it. This was very mean of me.

Lastly, I want to apologise not on my behalf but on behalf of the director of this film, Gus Van Sant and everyone involved in it. This apology is for David Coughlin and Raffi Kodikian. This film is based upon the torment and horrors they went through when lost in the desert of southern New Mexico and it in no way does it justice. Nor does it handle the fact that Coughlin was killed by his friend very well.

Now to get on with the review itself. You may notice my negative tone regarding this film. Well, this is because Gerry is possibly one of the worst films I have ever seen. It is boring and dull. So boring and dull that the only way I can accurately describe the film is “People walk for a bit through the desert and then one of them kills the other.” That’s it. The entire plot to the film. I don’t think I need to dwell on the plot much.

But the real horrors of this film come from the fact that it is shot in such an aggressively dull manner. There is usually nothing on screen for the majority of the film. Mostly the characters are shoved into the background somewhere so we can look at the exciting browns and slightly lighter browns of the desert. Furthermore, the shots of this film usually go on for around 5 minutes at a time. One exciting shot is that of the characters walking slowly through some salt flats for 7 minutes. That’s it. Nothing else.

Not only this but Casey Affleck and Matt Damon are terrible in this film. Their dialogue is dull and often has little to do with the plot. At the beginning they are going towards “the thing at the end of the trail” before they decide “Fuck the thing!” I don’t know what this thing is and nor do I care. We then have a long story from Affleck about how he owned Thebes once in a game. The amount you will hear “um” or “er” or a pause during this make sure you don’t care about what he is saying, nor do you want to hear him talk any more.

Oh, actually, the plot does have one complication. Let’s go back to the plot! The greatest complication in this film comes from when Affleck gets stuck on a rock. He could easily slide down it, but instead opts to waste our time whilst Damon moves some rocks out of the way so he can jump down. This lasts for about 4 or 5 minutes. It may have been longer but I think I slipped into a coma somewhere along the way as my brain decided to shut down from lack of input.

I don’t really have much else to say about this film. It’s dull, boring and makes you hate yourself and every single person around you for existing in a world where Gerry exists. Don’t watch it. Stay far away from it. It isn’t worth your time nor is it worth the $3.5 million dollars it took to make the film. In fact, it isn’t even worth this crappy little review. Why did I write it then...?

Final Verdict: 0/10